Frozen Still in Time

I'm frozen in time...

I'm looking around and I don't recognize a soul.

And I'm trying to figure out how I got here.

How long it's been.

Another person passes me and smiles.

I'm so conditioned I smile back.

Some know me, they stop, but they only see through me.

They all ask me how I've been.

The last time I was happy?

Man, I can't remember when.

I don't remember, I can't recall, I tell them all.

I'm just fucking numb.

I'm frozen still in time.

Stop asking me about him, I scream from the top of my lungs.

Bent at the waist, hands on my knees, slowly I look up.

I still don't know where I am.

My long hair is drenched with sweat.

My body wet, my voice dry - I catch myself panting.

Desperate panting wondering why.

I let out a rehearsed laugh.

Giggle. Giggle.

I look around, so alone am I.

Not wanting to go back,

Not wanting to push on.

Just feeling fucking numb.

Unconventionally. Undeniably.

Numb.

I'm frozen still in time.

Deep from the folds of my delusional nightmare,

I hear you laugh.

I smile. I love your laugh.

You have been drifting there for a while.

And like I'm a passerby, you just turn and smile.

I smile.

And in vain I wait.

Just feeling fucking numb.

I'm frozen still in time.

I used to be able to tell when you were close.

I'd sense your presence.

I'd recognize you everywhere.

See a bit of you in everything.

I loved and honored you.

Frozen Still in Time at your side. By your side.

But now I feel nothing.

Foolish. Pride.

I knew things about you no one else had ever known.

You gave me love, that to another, you had never shown.

If only I had known.

Foolish. Pride.

Frozen still in time.

I wonder how many times I've passed you here.

I wonder how many times you looked away as I passed.

And in vain I wait.

Thinking sends me off into a drift.

A rift.

And yet I'm still I'm waiting.

Anticipating.

While our love is fading.

Our lives are failing.

I'm frozen still in time.

In the shallows of my mind I wander.

I find myself drifting.

Needing to feel your presence.

Needing to sense you.

Senseless desperation.

So alone am I.

I walk along this sunny beach, with you hand in hand.

Laughing about some memory now, yet wondering where we stand.

This is how we lived, how we loved, how we laughed.

And in vain you make me wait so I just settle in.

I'm a common thread to you, another pretty face.

A stepping stone; and now is time for change.

How many times have I passed you here lost within this crowd?

Feeling all alone yet my surroundings were so loud?

Are you looking for me in all the faces you see?

Why don't you recognize me?

Needing to push on, but standing perfectly still.

Time finds us there like it always will.

Now awkwardness takes the place of a better mood.

He's upset, she's speechless.

She gets up to leave the room.

This just fuels his fire, leaving absolutely no desire.

And now she's fucking numb frozen still in time.

Sex has become the bandage on a wound that will never heal.

Hours later, she is still alone, and realizes that he's really fucking gone.

Images of him fill her mind only creating unnecessary fear.

Trust.

Manipulation.

Numb.

They are frozen still in time.