Amsterdam

My soul lives in Amsterdam

And my mind’s lost in a tin can

My drive is inside

But it just died

My passion is in music

And my life is in sin

I know my future is uncertain

But

My eyes are through a lens

And my feet are on the run

My thoughts are strange

And I’m feeling deranged

Because my heart has lost its way.

Yeah my heart has lost its way.

The empty anxiety

Will fill the holes

That I have dug

Until I don’t know what I’ve become

I don’t feel the same

My heart no longer fits the frame

Somewhere it sits lonely and scared

I am nowhere and quite ill prepared

For this

And it’s sad to say

That I don’t know where I was yesterday

Yesterweek, yesteryear.

I can’t hear

Autopilot engaged my brain

Seeks a way away from pain that led me astray

Yesterday seems so far away

Too much noise my mind can’t take it anymore

The mind’s gone blind trying to find that little mine that was planted with a knife during dinner last night. Need to find it to understand.

Or not because let’s be honest here it’s 5:30 in the morning.

I’ve sat here all night desperately prying at my mind to open.

But not this time. Because this time it won’t, and I can see clearly. It’s in a little folder titled dearly. And I just really really want this to end. To trash that file folder but my trash is full. No fuller.

And my friends ask me “are you okay”

I give them the same answer that I gave yesterday

I’m fine.