What You Taught Me and What I Have to Learn

Some nights i stay awake thinking about what you did that day, wondering if I ever crossed your mind,

Some nights i wonder if you just stayed because the older i got the cheaper it got to leave until you didn't have to pay anything.

Sometimes i wonder if you ever loved me or was i just another responsibility, another job.

What i am supposed to think when I love you was never a word that came out of you but something that sounded like it was forced out of your lips

Something that i was holding you prisoner to, like it was a knife you were cutting me with every time.

Why was it so easy for you to leave like we were nothing, like the lives you created meant nothing to you,

like lumps of clay you could just destroy and make something different out of. You were supposed to teach me love,

But all you taught me was how easily people can walk away from something that build, your foundation was crumbling so you just knocked it down.

Do you regret it? Do you regret all the things you missed? The times you should have been there? You should.

I was supposed to learn from you what love is but all i learned was how to fear, to wonder,

to lose trust in people that never did anything to me, he loves me and part of me is so scared because he says he'll never leave but you did so what is stopping him?

I had to learn to let him in and not push him away and I am still learning how to not punish him for the things you did, from the hurt you caused.

I got to learn how to let him love me without cutting himself on my broken pieces.

8-31-17