Thoughts of a Contradictory Infatuated Woman

I’m so tired of the fake love

What are these emotions

I keep stressing out

Stressing you out

Putting in effort trying to keep us going

Do i care for us or do I care for the reputation

Want it to be known you’re mine

When you won’t even claim me

You don’t put in any effort

Don’t seek me out

I put out as much as I can

My soul not my you know what

But its all superficial

Because I don’t trust this

I don’t trust us

I don’t trust that we’ll last

And you’re not proving me wrong

You’ll never go deeper than the first layer

I’m a writer, I’m naturally deep

But every move is calculated

Every speech is manipulated

I give you a little so you feel satisfied

You think you know me

Cause you know about my family?

You don’t know what makes me, me

And that fucking irks me

I want to open up

I want to let you see me

You just don’t make me feel secure enough to do so

And I hate that I’m not secure

I’m a bad ass bitch

Why do I get stressed

about this dum ass shit

And everytime I start

I say “lets not talk about it”

And you say okay like a fucking dick

Can’t you see I want to be chased

Just chase me

Let me know you want to know why I’ll never open up

So I can tell you a speech I practiced well enough

Give you just enough but never too much

And then theres that bitch

She has your whole heart don’t she?

I know you’re fucking gay but it seems like you’re straight and you love her

Even though she’s not straight

But you see there it is

The thing you can bond on

Even though she doesn’t know you’re gay

Or maybe she does

Maybe you told her

Oh god if you told her

I wouldn’t be able to forgive you

How could you tell someone OUR secret that was Mine to keep.

But you guys bond over other things,

Like fucking Harry Potter

I’ve watched every damn Harry Potter in 5 minutes video

And I still don’t get

But I’m trying

Why is it so hard for you to just give in a little

Can’t you see I’m hurting and I need reassurance

Let me know you want to know why’ll I’ll never open up

So I can tell you a speech I practiced well enough

Give you just enough but never too much