Teacher's Pain

Why feel?

Why shove a burden on another's chest?

Why assign them with an obligation

To multiply emotions from you

When you know that they're not sincere?

When one friend will suffocate you

At a moment when you have to beg for solitude,

One friend will shrink your concerns to dust

And claim deafening pep talks are the ideal broom,

And one friend will switch on a heart attack

From the fear of your cloudy days darkening,

Can you really blame me

For pretending I feel less than Captain Holt

And weakening the threads between me and my family

While drowning in my tear-soaked pillow

Never feels as good as hugs they exchange?

If I ever unlock my heart,

Either pride will possess them

And stab me with "I told you so's"

Or I'm labeled as a snake in teacher's clothing

Until he spotlights himself in the background

And I sink into my paperwork-filled casket

Before they could feign guilt and apologies.

No matter what happens,

I will always come back.

Despite all who mute my contributions,

One person needs me,

But even he thinks being less me

Would bring more peace to his head.

I stare out at the sea

Like I just walked into a majestic painting.

I'll never be completely gone.

I can never truly escape.

I'll never completely exit my life

With satisfaction I possessed enough time

To spare my loved ones from my aching burden

Before the cat leaps out of the bag

And causes them more pain and burdening.

I gaze at my surroundings

And confirm I've pushed the fahm far enough

So they'd cease to see me or stop me.

I jump into the sea

Like I'm Virgil and it's a conclusion.

Low and behold,

The weight on my shoulders is enough to sink me.

I know I'll come back,

I know Thomas is our life source,

But I guess my eyes sting more than usual,

Because I wish I could see them from below

As if the feelings they'd express toward me

Were what they'd possess on their own accord