Take It All Back

If I could I would.

I would give it all back.

I would shake it off and check it at the door.

You ~ so wrapped up in you.

You can't see me staring out the frosted window as we drive.

Staring out into the vast darkness.

Whats wrong?

I don't know.

Maybe all of it, honestly.

You don't hear me, you nod and smile.

And I think how long it's been,

It's been a while.

The walls at home are breathing.

The walls at home are closing in on me.

Taking my breath because they need me to breathe.

I open my eyes.

I'm still in the car next to you.

A few years ago I would have said

I'm in the car with you.

But I'm never with you.

Now I'm rarely next to you.

When we're at home the walls are breathing.

The breathing walls divide the rooms.

Divide the residents.

Divided by the walls that are closing in.

Closing us in.

Pretending you don't hear them move,

I hear you move,

On the other side.

But I wait to be sure.

I step toward the bedroom and now there's silence.

I peek past the door,

And you are lying down.

I close my eyes.

And in my mind I make believe that you're an actor

On the grandstand,

In front of hundreds of people that come from

Miles all around just to see ~ you.

I mask my pain.

You pretended again for me.

Because of me.

In spite of me.

Embarrassed now, I say,

Don't worry.

So ~ you,

With your eyes closed on the other side,

Can hear me.

With my eyes wide open, I repeat,

Don't worry.

I'm leaving.

And again I am in the car.

Looking out into the vast darkness.

I wonder now ~ do you know?

If I could give it back I would?

Even if I didn't want to, I know that I should.

Time created rifts that can not

Be fixed.

Damage to one's pride

By the one they trusted the most

Cannot be fixed.

Some wounds will never heal.

Some tears will never dry.

To you ~ no harm done.

But for me,

I will always wonder why.

I want to close my eyes in the vast darkness.

And keep them closed when you wonder where I am.

But I can't pretend no more,

You wouldn't wonder.

It all doesn't really matter anymore.

So go ahead and take it all back.

Leave me as you first found me

When my confidence was whole,

And my stride was seductive.

So go ahead and take it all back.

Take It All back.