Poetry

Do you know how it is to feel so alone?

So not at home in the home that you were born in and told;

‘This is who you are now,

Whether you like it or not doesn't matter now,’

And everything I say can be shot down with a quiet remark to my dad;

"She thinks she's gay."

I don't think you know the level of pain I deal with on a daily basis,

And while I walk around and do my work and go about my business

With all this on my shoulders and you still refuse to face this,

And you have the nerve to tell me

That this is just what life is?

Do you feel what I feel when I'm alone in my own household

Directly after being told that all of this is getting old

And you told me you were worried that I'd wander out into the cold

And then you leave me for five hours and expect me not to fold?

And do you know, do you even know

How it feels to be repeatedly told by your mother

To pack up who you are and just go

"Go to school."

She doesn't know.

She doesn't want to know.

Mother I wish, god I wish you knew

That whenever you sit there running through

The reasons gender identity is a myth

The voice in my head screaming

"WHO. ARE. YOU."

Gets more and more aggressive.

But I shouldn't complain, I shouldn't be sad

Because for you, it's just as bad, right?

It's terrible for you because you always have to get mad, right?

That's my fault too,

I should apologise to you

Because I'm the one who's causing all this trouble.

Isn't that right mother?