Today I thought about writing my goodbye note
Would it be sweet and full of I love you. Or even "it isn't your fault".
Or would there be blood
Lining every page
A detailed list to how and why
How I wanted to drag my corpse to my mother's grave
And rot there with her
How I wanted to fly to college and be gone and brilliant
How my depression acts like a barrier
A barrel full of water
Of bullets
Of pills and drugs
I have myself because no one understands
Every time I open my mouth it's just buzzing and static
"Exercise more"
"Eat healthier"
"Get a hobby"
"Get your college shit together"
I know how to pull my life together
What I can't do is pull my mind back together to form an adequate reason as to why I'm depressed
But no one wants blood on their hands
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