Make-Up

Here are the words to the poem in the video above:

I used to cry mascara.

I was so uncomfortable the first time I wore a bra.

I bled concealer.

I wanted to Stay at the same weight even though I was getting taller and taller.

I drowned in foundation.

I used my crooked fringe to cover my forehead out of desperation.

Wished I could use my manicure to scrape off the blemishes

but the anxiety caused sugar crashes.

I was too busy painting my lipstick into a smile so no one worried.

All this my shoulders carried.

I didn’t realise that this was the beginning of learning to love being me

because it’s how I started accepting my imperfections, perfectly.

After that makeup was no longer a chore.

It’s weird that I didn’t even question wearing it, it was like a law

It’s the same with shaving.

That’s how I was supposed to be behaving.

In my second year of uni, I tried to wear make up less

I thought makeup was only used to cover up my flaws, I guess

I thought the only one forcing me to wear it was me

And that I must have soaked up all of the adverts on the tv

And now we have Instagram and editing software on our phones

Young people, these days must feel even more alone

This is why I reach out to you

If you look in the mirror and start to feel blue

Just remember

Bad times don’t last forever

Just like acne

If you realise this, then you’ll be free

Because now I use makeup as a form of art

And I love it with most of my heart

As long as you’re wearing it for the right reasons

and you’re not fighting your inner demons

Because I we are all our worst critics

We need to learn to be more sympathetic

Sure you’ll have good days and bad days

But things have a way of working out, always

About the Poem

Firstly, let me say that this video is very edited. Each sentence fits what you see on screen. I do not put my mascara on before my foundation, and I put my primer on before I put my foundation on. Also, you may be wondering what makeup I used. I primarily only use No. 7 make up because I have super sensitive skin and get allergic to a lot of other makeup. I know this one works, so I stick to it. However, I do have a Remel lip-stick and Maybelline eye pencils as shown in this video because they were gifts. Additionally, I love my Urban Decay eyeshadow palate and Mac lipstick which I did not use in this video as this is just my everyday makeup, and I only use these if I'm going "out, out."

Now that I've cleared that up, I wanted to add to some things that I didn't address in the video. I've decided from now on to only wear makeup because I feel like putting it on—not because it's a habit I've gotten into every day or because I look in the mirror and think, holy cow, but because I genuinely feel like painting my face. This may mean that I don't wear make-up that much anymore. Since I posted this video, I've been having battles in my head, so much so that I've reached a fight or flight situation and decided to fly off and do meditation instead of makeup in the morning because meditation will manage my anxious over-thinking on the makeup topic. The worse thing that can happen if I wear it is I get bad skin and wear it more. The more I wear it, the more critical of myself and my acne I am, the less I love myself. The less I love myself, the more critical of others I am. If I'm critical of others, we'll probably have a tiff, and I'll feel a bit sad for a little while. The worse thing that can happen if I don't wear it is I feel a bit embarrassed for a little while if I have a spot, and then I forget I'm not wearing it. Both not that bad, now that I think about it, because emotions come and go like shooting stars.

Nevertheless, recently I've found an amazing YouTuber called James Charles who is a beauty vlogger. He has opened my eyes to how much of an art it is and how to actually put it on my face without prodding at my spots. Concealer goes under the eyes, around the nose a bit, between the brow and chin, and not on your spots.

Another thing I learned from my video is that you can still see my acne through the concealer and foundation. This, again, may be because I'm not using enough product or I'm not using it correctly (Hush, inner critic). The one thing I know is that I feel more confident when I wear it because some of my floors are covered up. Unfortunately, I feel like it's a vicious cycle that when I wear makeup my acne gets worse no matter how much Clean and Clear cleansing water or how many Garnier facemasks I use. Or maybe it's entirely hormonal and what I eat because I sure do love chocolate.

I think the reason I like to wear makeup so much is that I'm insecure about my skin tone. I've been thinking about getting a fake tan because of a combination of working inside and the lack of expensive sunny holidays means I'm as pale this page and that I'm so pale I look ill...

The problem is I keep forgetting that no one's perfect and that beauty is subjective. I remember when I went to the Philippines everyone complimented me because of how pale I was. If you don't have a job outside then you are more likely to be wealthier there. In addition, wealthier people could buy skin bleaching products. This is why I have changed the poem from "now I love makeup with all my heart" to "most of my heart" above. The media has a massive role in making us feel like we need all these products to look beautiful. The truth is, we will all end up old and grey eventually. We look the best we will ever look each day thanks to inevitable aging. Therefore, we need to embrace the acne that conveys that we have oily skin. Oily skin actually prevents the signs of aging. A friend told me in Taiwan, I think, they use gold paint to cover cracks on vases. I might try and think of a makeup look with that as an inspiration.

As long as we choose to wear makeup, that's all that matters. I've always felt society's pressure to fit in and wear it. I know myself. I would much rather 15 minutes more sleep compared to doing my make up. The difference is we don't need these products. We should only ever want them. This is what people don't understand about feminism. It's all about people deciding what they want to do with their body: have sex without being shamed for it, wear makeup, or wear whatever the hell they like. This is why I was shocked when everyone said that if Emma Watson is a feminist then she shouldn't wear revealing clothing. This goes against what feminism stands for: choice. She has no choice if someone looks at that magazine and objectifies her. This is why it's wrong! She should not be changing what she does just to make other people happy. This is victim blaming.

On other topics mentioned in this poem, I've vowed to myself to never buy a push-up bra again. I read Sara Pascoe's book, and it made me realise the reason I was so insecure about my boobs was that all the girls were probably wearing push-up bras to school. I was comparing my boobs to all the girls that probably had jelly or sponge strapped to their chest. I want girls with small boobs to see other women with small boobs because boob jobs are becoming way too common. Young women might feel that it is the norm and end up wanting a boob job themselves. It's another vicious cycle. Generation after generation of young girls only see bigger boobs and therefore want the same as they feel that theirs are inadequate, which they're not. I've heard plenty of women complain of back pain because of bigger boobs. Anyway, I try to wear sports bras as often as I can because they are super comfy and young people can see a wider range of boob sizes.

Lastly, shaving: I used to beg my mum, dad, and step mum to give me razors when I was younger. They used to say your hairs are too short, you don't need to shave. Little did they know I was using my mums every chance I could until one time I let my armpits grow so I could show them the extent of my need for razors. I showed my step mum who jumped back, as my stepbrother grimaced and my dad finally agreed to get me the products I'd grown up watching on the tv from an early age so much so that I just thought it was normal. Some men shaved their faces. All women shaved everywhere else. This was until I went to uni and started questioning everything I knew.

Now, I only shave when it's hot because I can do with a bit more insulation during the colder spells. I only trim the pubic area when it starts to annoy me. I used to shave it constantly when my boyfriend and I first got together. Until, one day, I asked him what he thought, and he said he doesn't actually care. After all that and he doesn't care. I even got a Brazilian once because I didn't know what the hell I was doing, both with the area or going to the salon. I did not know what I was getting myself into. That stuff is painful. I was told it gets less painful the more you go, but I am not willing to test that theory. Sometimes I just feel he's saying that he doesn't care because he knows that I sometimes find it uncomfortable to shave down there, which is sweet, I guess. I just can't be bothered anymore. It's exhausting distorting your body for everyone else. After a while you just think, screw it. You know? You can probably tell that I'm anxious about this. He probably truly doesn't care, but society says shaven is sexy. It's drilled into our heads every day that you see those ads for little razors for that region. I think we'll look back on things like douching and all that rubbish like we look back at corsets. What the hell were we thinking? Anyway, hopefully I haven't bored you with my rants about first world problems too much.