Experiencing a Dream

Fast forward fast forward,

Stop!

Slow motion moments,

Illogical and out of my control,

Bright lights and blue uniforms rip the heart from my chest,

Stop.

Rewind and play it back.

The unbelievable dawning of understanding,

Wide eyed look of disbelief,

Flesh meets flesh with a sound like a gun shot,

Stop.

Rewind,

Encased in metal and glass,

High speed travel,

My soul screaming in terror,

White knuckle grip on the wheel,

Stop.

Paused as my mind races to catch up,

They suspect me,

It looks true but isn't,

Oh god it isn't!

Stop.

Fast forward,

Little arms wrapped around my neck,

Tears smeared and mingling on both our cheeks,

My manacled hands unable to hold her for what I know will be the last time,

Scarlet marked that precious porcelain cheek,

Her screams like spikes in my mind,

Stop.

Rewind,

Knee jerk reaction,

Action before thought,

Mind white with terror my hands strikes of its own accord,

The same moment mirrored in a short span of time,

First crimson splatter,

Then the crimson printed cheek,

But escape is all that matters,

Something is wrong,

Something is desperately wrong!

Stop.

Fast forward,

I can see her tiny white fingers straining,

Heart wrenching sobs,

Feebly kicking little legs,

She's daddy's girl,

She wants her daddy,

And suddenly an exploding pain in my chest,

White hot lightning,

Body plunged in ice without moving,

And then I hear the shot,

And I see her wetted eyes from afar as I fade,

Stop.

Rewind.

Play it fucking back.

Awake,

I have danced with my terrors tonight,

Had them ripped from my soul,

From the darkest depths of its shadows,

Only to be paraded before my eyes,

Over and over and over,

A mad,

Gibbering,

Frothing at the mouth terror,

From which waking is only a partial escape,

And even though my eyes and body and mind,

Verify to me that this reality is truth,

The horrifying echoes of that false reality I was forced to endure,

Streak through my mind like arrows of fire,

I reach for a mouthful of comfort,

Please,

Whatever powers that may be in this world,

Let me sleep,

And let me not dream,

For I fear a repeat performance would snap the now tenuous threads of my sanity,

And by some demonic design,

Make my dreams into reality.