Eternal Fire

Baptized in eternal fire.

I shed many tears.

For myself and for others.

I could see my demise coming.

I was trapped in a snow globe and unable to break the barrier that surrounded me.

The air supply was running low.

I was running out of time.

Thick clear glass.

A fake world with perfect trees.

I saw through the delusions of this seamless place.

I was the only one who dared to speak up.

The only one in tune with the small details.

Yet, I was unable to see the big picture.

I failed at being an empathic actress.

I failed at being anything other than myself.

I was forced to walk the plank barefoot and with no armor.

I was woken up in the middle of the night and made to wander.

Half asleep I begged my demons for mercy.

My every move was picked apart.

Until I could do no right in my own head.

Until I was walking around with a target on my back.

Everyone took turns kicking me down.

Until I learned to stop getting up.

Until I was defeated and death seemed like the only way out.

I built my life around this career.

The career of helping people.

The career of having a heart and wearing it on my sleeve.

But I am also a realist and am not good at faking it.

No matter how much of myself I gave.

It was never enough.

People will always want more.

They want you to sell them your soul and all of your time at a discounted rate.

I felt for people.

I wish I had a magic wand to fix the problems of the world and myself.

Baptized in eternal fire.

I shed many years off my lifespan.

Years of being told I was wrong.

When I know I was right.

Micromanagement.

To many hands in the pot all at once.

I died in eternal fire.

They made an example of me.

*This poem is featured in "Peeling Sanity."

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