Don’t Care for Me

‪I’m fortunate with the things I need but I’m lacking everything that makes me happy ‬

I need excitement, I need love, I need change and new outlooks when it happens

Being stationary, stuck, financially in a rut, feeling like I owe my life to my mom

I’m over it

I don’t want to rely on anyone

I’m done with the sacrifice, I need to find my place and keep a hold of it

I’m a nuisance and a burden to the ones who take care of me

I’m 22, no one should have to take care of me

The ones that I love walk around like they’re scared of me because my mental illness has become the terror that I am done

That I’ll off myself because I’ll never overcome these waves of emotions I can’t get away from

I take my meds as they tell me but I just end up numb it’s not fair to me

It’s not that people aren’t there for me

It’s just people beware of me

My anger, my temper tantrums

My sadness, my grief

All of it makes it so no one around me can take a breath of relief

But if I don’t release those things, consequently I can’t feel anything

The happy wave never comes and I’m forever drowning in my sorrows

Maybe that’s why I choose to run away

To start new lives, to not be so safe

Maybe that’s what I need to be saved

Living for me is my great escape

When I have too many people to rely on they think I’ll be okay

Physically yes, I’m thankful for a place to stay

Food to eat

Not freezing, with heat

But I didn’t create any of these things

I feel in debt to what everyone else brings

Constantly upset because no matter how hard I try I can’t catch up to my blessings

I want to give back, it becomes an obsession

Then I leave out of wack, because I start to see my regression

Don’t want to deal with the facts that I’m a walking suicidal lesson

But your pity for me doesn’t help

My sea will continue to pull me under with its waves

I think it’s time you all don’t see me with such disgrace

I’ll work at it alone, not in your space

Face it, this isn’t my home

All you do is give and I take

I want to be alone

Face my mistakes on my own

I need out of your embrace

Yes I’m a little afraid

But that’s what shapes me to have better days

Better days

That’s all I ask

Better days

Where relaxed means relaxed

Better days

Where the past is the past

Better days

I can only get there without your grasp