Constantly

I've denied myself too many times to be happy.

Pushed people away that truly cared about me.

Held those who constantly abused me too close.

Never ended up being good enough for the people who I constantly tried to please.

Tears wasted on those who weren't worth my presence.

Thoughts going in a constant loop in which needs to be broken.

Craving chaos, yet so used to isolation.

Constantly conforming in one way or another.

Expectations of being someone that I'm not.

In search of solace that cannot be found on Earth.

Internalized fears keeping me up at night need to disappear.

For once I would like to live in a world where I'm not constantly self-conscious.