Buying Happiness in Space

Can you smell the blood in the air?

I need a new watch for my battery.

A new human vessel for my thoughts.

A new space craft to travel out of this world.

Cheap clothing.

Expensive shoes.

Cheap wine.

Expensive cheese.

I need everything I want.

Life is too short not to buy happiness.

I used to believe in retail therapy.

I used to drown my sorrows

with wine, shoes, and clothing.

My reputation never dies.

I am the thrift store queen.

A title I wore with pride.

A crown I was eager to show off.

I was proud of how little I spend on expensive items.

I fell into the thrift store Gap.

And yes these jeans were $5 with the tags still on them.

My necklace came from the estate of a dead belly dancer.

My shoes from the Salvation Army.

My tank top from Goodwill.

This entire outfit cost less than $20.

I am first to know about the good thrift spots

and their half off item days.

I may even go to three different locations,

to get books for 25 cents.

I pride myself in my own demise

My own self-destruction.

My closet is a second-hand store,

and I am too drunk to go shopping.

To overwhelmed to do laundry.

So, I will buy more clothing.

I own 200 pairs of socks.

All barely worn.

I am drunk on years of collecting,

and searching for the perfect sweater.

Little did I know it was always there hanging in my closet.

I didn't need to buy 14 more at the thrift store

because they were purple.

Happiness comes from within.

You can't buy happiness.

I tried.

I would not say I failed miserably.

I have tea parties with my shoes.

I learned to love things, and not people.

Things never let you down.

Where people can disappoint you.

My cat always has time for me.

She never once canceled plans,

or was too busy to talk about my horrible day.

My cat even came to my tea party

and brought me a dead mouse.

Shopping until you drop is the American way.

but it's also a learned response to stress.

The mall fashions cycle so fast

We don't know what decade it is anymore.

I thought we were supposed to have flying space ships

like The Jetsons.

Why is everyone wearing chrome metallic lipstick?

Maybe if I buy some I will fit in.

Maybe then people will love me.

If I buy something, I will feel much better.

I will feel rewarded for my bad behavior.

No one dares to say anything

Until the credit card bill comes

and I am eating Ramen Noodles again

for the next two weeks.

My home is my own hell.

but it is almost my own heaven.

It's up to interpretation.

I love these things.

They just don't love me back.

I live in a sad but true reality.

It is self-created.

Only I can reach out for help.

Only I can make this change.

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