Broken

I hear tapping but do not register the movement of my feet, nor the vibration of my body. my heart is pounding like a string about to cut. I finally understand the notion of a swirling head. I wish to speak but an invisible bandage seals my lips. I want to move but am hostage to my chair. I try to drown out the talking and focus on the sound of the rotating fan above me, but it only amplifies the blood flowing into my ears. I just want this moment to end, and to be free once more. they say when life gives you lemons make lemonade but my lemons are all died out. Pain, they say demands to be felt, but I all I feel is numbness. the pain envelopes me like an old friend who is back to stay for good. I welcome it because I'll give anything to feel something anything. I am scared once I let it go the shell of myself will fall like a carcass that has been ravaged till there is nothing left. maybe if I keep holding on to it I don't have to voice the truth. the truth that I am BROKEN.