An Open Poem to My Little Brother Alex

I loved you then

I love you now

I would mend the bridges if only I knew how

I’m giving you time

***

But it seems to me that it’s only gotten harder

The space between us has only crept farther

I think of you all the time

You’ve never left my mind

***

You’re first and last words ringing through my mind

“Have a nice life.”

I hope you remember that like I do

It broke my heart more than anything

***

Your squinted golden eyes like mine

The curly locks upon your head

I wish you would let me know you

but you’re doing what we all do

***

You’re ignoring what matters

because it’s difficult to place how you feel

You don’t know if the things you know are made up, or real

You feel misunderstood

You ignore the hard things as anyone would

I see me in you and that’s mainly why it hurts

***

I’m your older sister and I’ve never been there like I should

I never got the chance to embarrass you in front of your first girlfriend

yelled at for being in your room

or helped mend a broken heart

***

I’ve never been able to teach you about anything except for how easily I fall apart

I should have been there to give you the why answers

but... it... wasn’t... my... fault...

All I want to do is understand you

I at least want the chance to

***

just don’t cut me out

life is about making mistakes, forgiveness, and compromises

At one point in life you’ll have to choose to do all three

At one point I hope one of those decisions involve me

***

I love you little brother

I loved you then

I still love you now

I begging to help mend those bridges

Just show me how