Abandonment

Abandonment

We used to be the best of friends

The apple of your eye.

The reason why

You loved and laughed,

The why you didn’t die.

That was so long ago...

Left to rot.

Broken bag of bones

Crushing weeping sores

Nail marks in the floor

Scratching for the door.

Get me out!

A place where I’m unwanted.

A phantom of a girl that died some years ago.

Energetic little star

Metamorphosed a frenzied hungry ghost.

Mutated genes in every pore.

The trophy you owned,

Permanently altered.

Possessed by an Other.

Taken and shattered,

Emblem of a scar;

The fissure of our bond

That shook the walls with silent screams.

Littered scabs and broken glass

Fashioned with a secrecy

Hidden almost in the skin.

A dependency

An addiction to self-mutilation

Then…

Inhibition starts to reason

That…

This is the better way.

Somehow led astray.

Where did you go?

Who with?

Nuzzled in your side,

Safety in your arms,

Beaten by another one

That stood higher on the podium.

Advisor – with

Qualifications I did not have.

That stood between your legs

Money in your pocket

That I could not bring home.

Company you yearned for

That was better, than I.

Lies,

Yours had fault lines,

So many broken parts,

I constructed my Enigma.

Carefully conducted,

You’ll never break through mine.

Repulsive to watch

The grotesque foundations build

Between us.

Left alone,

Hearing noises

Hands too small to cover ears.

Suffocating satisfaction

Heart rate bleeding through for you.

I might have well have died.

The eye roll on my death bed

An imitation of your revulsion

Not again!

Not again! No more.

Little bird just fly already!

But my wing is still too broken.

Feed with your empathy

Sing songs to help me sleep.

Just be there when I need you

When I need to weep.

Wrap me in the clouds

You looted from Zeus.

To protect me from the war inside

My demons are on the front line.

Warrior, saviour?

Always my guardian

Sealed with wax.

An oath you had taken?

A promise to protect me!

Even the blackest of smoke disappears

Into the vast nothingness

Of broken dreams.

Even the loudest of screams are silent –

If you go that far.

Maybe I can vanish

Into the ether of your memory.

Perhaps you will want to forget...

Have a funeral nearly four years overdue.

I want you back more than anything,

But first...

Please recognise that I’m alive.

Unity Addison © 2018