Yours Truly, Disordered Stability

You’re gravity and I the apple,

But I’m the flaw that pulls you down.

My paranoia fuels your doubts,

We were destined for disaster.

For I’m the divide between these nations,

My culture twists between the two –

I’m happy – I’m sad

I’m good – I’m bad

Where do I belong?

Am I yours… or the laws?

A river is unowned

And as it travels one can wonder,

Is this collection of molecules an invader?

Or just beauty, a natural phenomenon?

Its manner intermittent –

One moment frenzied and disorderly –

The next docile, gentle… deep.

Oscillating between the two extremes of the spectrum.

The concept of middle unfamiliar.

It’s an obligatory part of the day, to sway,

From euphoria to dystopia,

Like a predator has to feed on prey.

Has to,

Nature’s law.

Some order to chaos – intangible power;

For change

Monumentally complex.

And…

And you can’t go,

And you can’t leave,

And I’ll beseech you here right on my knees:

Forgive me for my futile fears,

And believe me when I say,

‘I’ll be yours, unwavering, forevermore’.

‘For you my love I call ‘Encore!’’

So reverse our roles,

That have brought these wounds.

You be the apple,

I’ll be the gravity.

My lifelong duty to heal this cavity.

We have a force that shall hold us together,

Now and forever –

Forever,

Until the laws of physics change.

By Unity Addison © 13/05/18

This poem is about my own personal experience of relationships and often it can be a real battle. My emotions are extremely heightened and can be very scary, and they can change almost instantaneously. Despite this, and being a lot of work to look after, my boyfriend has stuck by me and I know that I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for his continuous patience and love.

Borderline personality disorder or emotionally unstable personality disorder is not very well known. Everybody seems to know the symptoms and behaviours of somebody with depression or anxiety but for people with BPD, we appear to be very judged by a society that doesn't actually understand our disorder. It is a very complex disorder with many different symptoms. I hope that through writing about my own struggles with BPD that I can give an insight into the way my mind works (and others with BPD) and to stop the stigma that borderline personality disorder has — we are not violent, or sex crazed, we are not narcissistic and out of control! We are just like everybody else with good and bad parts that make us who we are.

Those that suffer from emotionally unstable personality disorder can be beautiful people, who love deeply and are very caring but unfortunately, we can feel emotions on a scale that others can't. Our dark days are darker, and our good days are euphoric - we feel things with a lot more intensity than the rest of society, which is the basis for a lot of our struggles. We can't regulate these emotions either, so our highs and lows can be abrupt and can seem to be haphazard and chaotic. Yes, these are our flaws, but we are people just like you and we are just trying to find peace and happiness and be better people.

Thanks for reading.

Peace!

If you would like me to keep writing about BPD and other mental health issues, then please message me and please let me know what you think about my work. My Instagram is @echoesfrombefore or alternatively, my Facebook is @unityaddison.

On there, you can see everything that I have written so far! I’m just starting out so there is plenty more in store! Thank you again for your support.