Yours Truly, Anonymous

The truth is I didn’t just want to hangout out.

That sounds like I don’t care about the creases by your eyes when you smile

or your full body laugh that could end wars.

I want to have your attention because I’m selfish

and hate sharing.

I like the idea of being there when you wake up

on a lazy Wednesday morning with morning breath

and messy hair and

you.

You feel comfortable,

like no expectations and apple pie.

Everything with you feels good.

But I can’t tell you how many nights I’ve spent

swallowing all of this like fucking cough syrup because it scares me,

how much I care about you.

About losing you.

You have no idea...

and it’s going to stay that way.

Because the truth is that I’ll probably leave you wrecked and confused.

Feeling things you can’t even describe;

You choke on the words before they even touch your lips.

That’s what I do.

I care,

I love,

But I don't know how to show it.

I don't know how to carry the weight

Of someone else's heart.

End up making one too many unforgivable mistakes.

End up dropping you like a toy I’m done playing with.

My friends call it heartless.

My therapist calls it sad.

You can pick.

You would be an easy victim, if I’m honest.

You seem to find it easy to care.

And I don’t want to hurt you.

I don’t want to give myself

That chance.

Because...

Because I can’t lose you.

So, we’ll just…stay this way.

I’ll stay sad

And you can say oblivious.

My heart just wasn’t made for this.

For precious people

Like you.

- Yours truly, Anonymous.