You Weren't Right

The first time we met you flipped my peaches

and not in a metaphorical teenage raging hormones sexual way

but you literally flipped my cup of peaches

and told me to deal with it

you wore a smile so wide it could swallow me whole and spit out the bones

though you looked like a man from the 70s with you pushed back hair, wispy goatee and your too large wire rimmed glasses

you were still only 18 physically and 12 mentally

the first time you came over to my house you were a perfect gentleman

and not in a “i’m trying to make you sound better than you are” way

but you actually were and i had never experienced that

and you told me to deal with it

you wore a wutang hoodie so large that your arms could drown me in your chest

and though you were really a bad influence with your constant drug use and sexist and racist comments

my mother and father still loved you

the first time we ever had sex was hell

and not in a sensual heat of the moment type of way

but you actually showed me how little control i had

and you told me to deal with it

we were in your car and even though I said yes

i was higher than a kite and i believed you actually loved me

and even though I orgasmed doesn’t mean I enjoyed it

i cried in the shower for 3 hours before my mother came in and i told her i was sick

the first time you left me you said you were too stressed

but not in a “this relationship is stressful” way

but in an “i need an excuse to find someone sluttier”

and you told me to deal with it

so I believed your lie until you got with someone younger not even a month later

and when you two split up you asked to hang out

and when you said hang out i thought you meant hang out but really you just wanted the same thing as always

you saw me as an object, a blow up doll made of skin you could feel was ripping apart

and you did nothing but laugh

the first time I met him he told that was your plan

not to love me but to make me into a joke you could tell your friends

but it’s kind of fucked up because your friends aren’t laughing

they’re questioning your sanity

and now you have to deal with the fact that I know

I’m more than a joke that you laid in that bed

more than the memories you thought we had made

when really you were a fantasy I was stuck on

you catfished my emotions than left me hooked

i have the scars to prove it