You're Starving Me in the Wrong Places, and Feeding Me in the Worse

You're starving me in the wrong places, and feeding me in the worse.

I know you know you're doing it all wrong, and till now my looking and my seeing eyes were distracted, blurred, and blinded by your “love.”

This isn’t love, never was even close to a friendship, not even an agreement.

It was a path. It was my path. A path I needed to go down to come out the right side. Yes, it has been years but I’m here, out from the other side, and I'm feeling safer knowing you’re starving me in the wrong places, and feeding me in the worst.

Why would you do that to someone?

Is it fun? Do you get a rush? I know you know. And now I know you know that I know. The thing is I felt hungry, but you would feed me these words which I thought meant everything to me when they came out of your stupid mouth and I knew I hadn’t felt like I was growing into this big and strong women I dreamt of as a child, that my mum and nan said I could be if wanted to. I forgot about that women I wanted to be, big and strong, which are the exact words they say to a child who needs to drink their milk in order for them to grow up "big and strong." So, when all you would feed me was milk, I knew… I thought you were good for me and for the woman I wanted to be... But did you know milk contains pus, pus from the cow. Pushed. Under. Someone's. System, puss. And did you know that the calf is ripped away from the mother in order for humans to drink it. The truth is I was drinking milk but that bullshit about it making you grow up big and strong is a farce, when really you know it makes you grow weak and venerable, and guess who was feeding me that milk…

You. All along it was you. Drowning me in milk, drowning me so much that I could breathe perfectly under it, when in actual fact… I have my own milk. I literally have the ability to produce my own milk and I was relying on your puss filled, calf killing machine of a milk, the one you said will make me grow up big and strong but actually, slowly was making me weak and vulnerable.

You’re starving me in the wrong places, and feeding me in the worse.

Why were you feeding me only there? And why are you starving me over there? Does it amuse you, it is funny? Funny and amusing to see everyone that cared, shared, loved, lived to have moved on without me because I was so blinded and fixed… by you. They told me to run, hide, never seek you again. This isn’t a game. I thought you and I were the same but you’re my shadow, which means I'm the one who get to make the option of which way you shine. I get to make the decision on if you get to shine at all.

This new path I'm about to go on, I know I will get lost sometimes and so I need you to shine, to lead me back onto this path of mine. Lucky you. I won’t kill you after all, because the truth is you’re going to help me but I’m now 1000 feet tall. Taller than you could ever imagine, taller than you could ever be. Now I know who I am and who I'm meant to be. Thank you shadow for setting me free.

You knew all along what you were doing, and now you know that I know. I know you were starving my soul and feeding my ego. You stupid shadow, you sicko.

I'm starving my ego and feeding my soul.