You Don't Know
A Story of Low Self-esteem, Bullies, and ADHD
You Don’t Know
A million different thoughts racing at once
A pencil tapping
A car honking
People talking two seats away.
It all blends together and my
Head gets overcrowded.
Too many thoughts pouring
Into my brain; overload. Everything
Gets confusing so confusing.
I don’t hear what you are saying.
Frustration builds; the filter
Between my brain and mouth
Gone. Words spew out of my lips
So quick I don’t even know
What I am saying.
I want to stop. Listen. Behave
But my mind is so overrun and I Can’t
People avoid me because I
Talk too much
Flail to much
Talk inappropriately.
To most being in my company is like being caught in
An undertow during a storm.
Little do they know,
I feel the same.
It’s like waves filling my lungs
Every time I try to catch a breath.
Why does no one understand?
Why don’t they want to just be near me?
Am I so wrong?
I hear from people close to me that now…
Now I’ve grown and it’s not an excuse.
Do you think I want to be this way?
To feel like a social pariah, even in my
Own family at times?
To be called a self-centered child
Who can count her friends on one hand?
Do you wonder what you’re missing?
If you’d just get to know me.
Try to understand me and fix things.
If you did then would you tell me I need to change?
That I’m not trying?
Would you turn your back?
Tell me how I’m wrong?
If you only knew,
How I wish to yell to my younger self
“Stop while you’re ahead,
The trouble and pain you cause…
Maybe you’re better off dead.”
If only you knew, the pain and rejection I get
Just from myself.
Why won’t someone accept and love me
As I do you?
If only you would listen.
Then you’d understand
Exactly why I am
The way ...I am.
So though I’ve exhausted
The thought that you would
Listen or accept me. Now
I can picture that younger, tiny me
With eyes so bright and all I
Wish is to grab on and hold tight.
Because troubling as she may be
She’s absolutely perfect to me.
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