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You Don't Know

A Story of Low Self-esteem, Bullies, and ADHD

By Casey SimmonsPublished 6 years ago 1 min read
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You Don’t Know

A million different thoughts racing at once

A pencil tapping

A car honking

People talking two seats away.

It all blends together and my

Head gets overcrowded.

Too many thoughts pouring

Into my brain; overload. Everything

Gets confusing so confusing.

I don’t hear what you are saying.

Frustration builds; the filter

Between my brain and mouth

Gone. Words spew out of my lips

So quick I don’t even know

What I am saying.

I want to stop. Listen. Behave

But my mind is so overrun and I Can’t

People avoid me because I

Talk too much

Flail to much

Talk inappropriately.

To most being in my company is like being caught in

An undertow during a storm.

Little do they know,

I feel the same.

It’s like waves filling my lungs

Every time I try to catch a breath.

Why does no one understand?

Why don’t they want to just be near me?

Am I so wrong?

I hear from people close to me that now…

Now I’ve grown and it’s not an excuse.

Do you think I want to be this way?

To feel like a social pariah, even in my

Own family at times?

To be called a self-centered child

Who can count her friends on one hand?

Do you wonder what you’re missing?

If you’d just get to know me.

Try to understand me and fix things.

If you did then would you tell me I need to change?

That I’m not trying?

Would you turn your back?

Tell me how I’m wrong?

If you only knew,

How I wish to yell to my younger self

“Stop while you’re ahead,

The trouble and pain you cause…

Maybe you’re better off dead.”

If only you knew, the pain and rejection I get

Just from myself.

Why won’t someone accept and love me

As I do you?

If only you would listen.

Then you’d understand

Exactly why I am

The way ...I am.

So though I’ve exhausted

The thought that you would

Listen or accept me. Now

I can picture that younger, tiny me

With eyes so bright and all I

Wish is to grab on and hold tight.

Because troubling as she may be

She’s absolutely perfect to me.

sad poetry
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