You

Yesterday I saw you after three whole years. I don't know you anymore, but a teeny tiny bit of my heart was born to love you.

Yesterday I saw you after almost about four years. I looked at you straight in your eyes for a split millisecond and nearly didn't recognize you, but a flash of recognition ran down to my heart and settled in my stomach.

Yesterday I saw you after twenty- one years of being dear to me. And you recognized me too, I could tell. Although you only saw me for a second, or maybe more, but I couldn't tell I was distracted before I noticed you.

Yesterday when I saw you and realized you noticed me, you ran like hell. Where you getting far away from the anxiety or the nightmare you left me in?

Yesterday when I saw you, recognition wasn't the only thing that settled in my stomach, but a slow building anxiety that started to shake me from within.

You see, yesterday when I saw you I saw her too. I saw the life that you use to live.

You see, yesterday when I saw you I saw her too. The life you began to create without us. The one you chose to leave behind.

You see, yesterday when I saw you I saw her too. And I know that she saw me and tried to act unfazed, but I saw her discomfort in her haste.

You see, yesterday when I saw you she saw me too. She realized that you left behind a strong, beautiful blazing young girl.

You see, yesterday when I saw her and she saw me too. I hope she felt guilty for robing you of the life you had.

Because yesterday when I saw you I had already chosen to leave you in the past.

Because yesterday when I saw you I was afraid you’d try to come up to me and strike a conversation.

Because yesterday when I saw you I almost cried because I felt fear to even say hello.

Because yesterday when I saw you I saw the baby girl in the carriage that I once was.

Because yesterday when I saw you I realized you were broken and I am not anymore.

Yesterday I saw you and you made me realize how much you hurt me when you left me behind, and how much it still hurts. But I remembered how you lived a life so good with us that seems like you forgot now that you are with her. I remembered she robed you from us and from God. I remembered I was your firstborn, but your last born is the only one you will ever see now. I remembered no man will walk me down the aisle. I remembered that it takes running into you at the store, at any random given moment, to actually see your face.

But yesterday when I saw you, it saddened me that you cowered away.

But yesterday when I saw you, you had a chance stay.

But yesterday when I saw you, you walked away again.

But yesterday when I saw you, you left me behind again.

See, three years before yesterday that I saw you I had a father. I was the only girl out of four siblings, and the eldest. I was the princess. I was loved. I was never forgotten.

But yesterday when I saw you, it had been three years that have passed. You have a new baby and a new life. And I have lost and overcome. By you I am occasionally forgotten.

You see, yesterday when I saw you, I realized I still miss you dad.