You.

The way his eyes glistened in the sun, the way they looked beautiful even when he is on the verge of tears. The way his hair gets in his way all the time, the way he doesn’t notice me staring at him when he bites his lip. The way he doesn’t care that I’m alone at night instead of wrapped in his arms. The way he doesn’t bother to check up on me. All of these things I wish I could say I love, but I don’t. I hate the way he starts an argument about anything. The way he tries to make me jealous. I hate the fact he doesn’t care that I’m crying in the middle of the night just wishing for him to wrap his arms around me, he doesn’t care that I hardly get sleep because I’m wondering if he is falling in love with someone else. He was my childhood sweetheart. He was the one I was supposed to grow old with, until one day he brought another girl by accident not realising I was still there. I still remember hearing the giggles coming out of her mouth as he kissed up and down her neck. The look in his eyes when he looked at her, it was the same look he gave to me. I thought I was special but I guess not. He didn’t love me anymore. That was my worst fear, him not loving me. I packed my stuff up the very next day and left, I didn’t have anywhere to go apart from a local bar. I drowned my thoughts out with vodka and tequila. Everybody was waiting for me to speak your name again, I never did. You still crossed my mind every now again. I missed the way you would grip my hips whenever I was laying on top of you, I miss the way you run your fingers through my hair when I was stressed. I missed it all but didn’t show it. You made me numb.