You

You close your eyes and you just sleep. I close my eyes and I cry because all that floods the darkness is memories so sweet.

I lace my right hand with my left, imagining that it's you, your touch, your warmth, sticking to me like glue. I curl up into a ball because that is how I would sleep, fitting into the shape of you, hair on my back, arms around my body and cheek to cheek. Young hearts painted gold for old lover to see.

But now I am empty and my scars are on show, open and infected so that the wound will grow. A shallow, hallow feeling that deepens with regret, how I let you in and take almost everything I had left. I can give you a soul and a heart and my mouth but I cannot bear the thought of giving you my last remaining shout. A cry for help as you swallow me whole, they say heartache is a bitch and believe me it's more so.

It's throwing up at 3 AM because it makes you physically sick, it's receiving migraines from crying as your eyes begin to stick. It's his name and his voice that draws me in, it's his eyes shaded brown that made him win. But I'm no better, no gambler, no hoax, I'm just a sad, lonely girl who lost all her hopes.

I can't give you up because I am so in love with you, but I know that your hurting and I'm begging to pull through. We're not moving on, I do not want some other guy. To treat me like a queen, some royalty is not clear in my eyes.

When you cloud my vision and make me see sunny days, even if the rain pours and thunders with you I'm ok. You weren't just my love but my shelter and home, I had so much hope that I'd see us grow old. That we would walk down the aisle and say "I do" and you'd kiss me so gently, something old but something new. But that dream has has gone, now a nightmare in it's place. I can't be this person, this month's a disgrace.

So I guess I'll keep hoping that soon you'll come home, I'll leave my door open so if you need me, just call. You have the key to my heart so don't lock the door. I don't want to live a life, without you here anymore.