Sometimes the hardest thing to do, is look you in the eyes after saying hello.
It's not because of some misguided fear or guilt.
It's not because I have something, everything to hide.
It's because some days when the rain hits the roof of this old house, I miss you.
When you aren't around I find myself drowning in this sea of regret and longing.
Reaching for a hand to pull me from the waves that are crushing me.
Crushing me like the 250 lb linebacker crushes his opponent in the moment of play.
Crushing me like the insect on your windshield.
I'm left there for the world to see Splayed out in my glory as I fight for just one more breath.
You see, what you don't understand is you are the very air I breath. You go in slowly and energize the very being of me. Kick starting my lungs on those days where I struggle to take a breath. You oxidize my blood, keeping my heart racing.
Faster and faster,
Pumping
It's euphoric...if only in that second.
You see no matter how much the happiness hits me. No matter how great the day. The depression always wins.
I'm staring at you. You're smiling at me. I could jump off a building right now and fly...Wait...no...not fly. Crash. I would crash.
I would die.
Maybe that's ok. Maybe all I need is one last step. To take the fall and come barreling down to my own shadow.
But then you say Hello. and suddenly the future is not so grim. And oh how that scares me. I'm used to the comfort of my own pain and sorrow. I'm used to the debilitating sadness destroying my soul piece by broken piece.
What I'm not used to is the way a spark ignites when you say my name.
Or the explosion that occurs when you touch my skin.
What I hate to love is that you give me hope for a lesser storm tomorrow.
You see all I know is this pain. All I know is this blackness. This bleak outlook on life.
But with you the pain isn't so painful and in the blackness shines a little light. It's the goodness in your heart that I'm not sure of.
Fuck
I'm smiling.
I'm an animal running out in the middle of the road only to be hit with a ray of light.
What is this?
Oh that's right. It's you. Smashing into me at full speed.
Taking my life and lifting me to the sky where I can Fly!
wait.. no.. no I can't. ... It's a matter of Time.
About the Creator
kayla curl
Mother of 2. Painter. Writer. Tattoo entrepreneur. Lover of The Arts and Music!
Comments
There are no comments for this story
Be the first to respond and start the conversation.