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There are so many paragraphs that I've written but never sent in the past month..
So many times I almost called but never did..
There is so much that I've wanted to tell you but thought it best if I just stay silent..
Things have been so different without you
I try to find the littlest reasons to talk to you
To hold on to at least a sliver of what we had..
You turned my world upside down
and without you it's like.. like my world's holding on by a thread
The sky is no longer a wonder to me
Now it's just a flood of memories and a love that seems far from my reach, even farther than the stars..
I purposefully avoid our secret place when I'm out
Because each time I pass it I'm taken back to us and the way I felt those nights and how I still feel
It's all different without you
I now fall asleep listening to playlists of you rather than on the phone with you
And that's the nights if I do sleep or at least sleep well
My night schedule is beyond different
I'll be up till 5 AM thinking, crying, wishing that this was all different
I'll sometimes watch the sunrise and think of the time you told me you love the color orange, even though your favorite color is green
I still wear your hoodie, even though I know I probably shouldn't
I still have the orchids and the two necklaces you gave me and I still have the camera
But everything is different without you
Every photo I look back at
Now floods memories of what I had
My "I love you's" turned into "I still love you"
My "I want you" to "I wish I still had you"
My "I need you" to "It is so hard living without you"
I'm told that given time my feelings will change and the hurting will stop
In all honesty, I don't think it will...
I don't think I'm ever gonna stop loving you
Cause here I am.. still deeply in love with you
Being without you turned "the best thing to happen to me" into "the best thing happened to me"
you're no longer what I have,
But what I had
But I guess the story of me without you
Is different than the story of you without me.