Winter is Here

She left me on a day warmer than a summer sidewalk.

The sun was shining and the birds were out.

There was a breeze that smelled of daisies

And the grass never stopped it's sway.

It was a day that you felt would never end.

But I felt only cold.

For me winter had come early and I was alone.

The air was thick.

And I never heard any birds that day.

All that I smelt was vodka and ice

That promised to take it all away.

My vision never stopped swaying

In the cool breeze of drunkenness.

My day that day would never end.

I knew that as I reached the bottom of my glass.

I'd punched through the mirrors.

I couldn't stand remembering her standing there

Doing her makeup

Laughing at her morning hair.

I'd thrown every picture

Where she and I were smiling.

Because during winter if you smile

Eventually your teeth hurt.

And God my teeth hurt

From all the grinding and jaw locking I'd done

To keep from screaming out her name.

I'd swallowed every pill

Because I didn't want to feel her hole anymore.

I forgot to check the instructions.

I think it said only take three.

But she said okay when I told her to stay.

So I guess it's okay not to follow instructions.

Sometimes.

Winter is here.

I felt it when she walked out the door.

Carrying a suitcase full of silk shirts that I didn't buy

And the last shred of my sanity

All crumpled together

Soaked into the thread of every linen.

Winter is here.

I feel it in my hair now.

My bones have gone cold.

And my heart has began to slow.

But that's okay.

It always beat for her anyway.

I think I should have followed those instructions.