Why I Thank Him

My boyfriend doesn’t understand when I say Thank you after I sit at the other end of the couch, only our feet touching. We both like leaning against the arm of the couch, so it makes sense when there’s no one else sitting with us.

My boyfriend doesn’t understand when I say Thank you after I roll over in bed facing away from him and he rolls the other way. He likes to face the wall, I always need to face the door, we sleep soundly this way. It makes sense to us.

My boyfriend doesn’t understand when I say Thank you after he tells me he hopes I have fun out with my friends. We work, we don’t get to go out with our friends often. When I’m excited to see people, it makes sense for him to be happy for me.

My boyfriend doesn’t understand when I say Thank you after I wake up and he hasn’t touched me while I slept. A person can’t consent in their sleep. So when he doesn’t touch me… It makes sense.

My boyfriend doesn’t understand when I say Thank you after he asks if he’s hurting me. He doesn’t want to hurt me. It makes sense.

My boyfriend doesn’t understand when I say Thank you after he doesn’t go through my phone when I’m not looking. He knows he can ask and I’ll show him anything, so it makes sense.

My boyfriend doesn’t understand when I say Thank you after he doesn’t force me to tell him what message I just received. He respects my privacy, so it makes sense.

My boyfriend doesn’t understand when I say Thank you after he doesn’t hurt me by gripping my hand too tight.

My boyfriend doesn’t understand when I say Thank you after I come home after being out and he hasn’t called me four times, texted six times and left two voicemails. I only leave for a few hours, so it makes sense.

My boyfriend doesn’t understand when I say Thank you after he doesn’t yell at me for missing his call.

My boyfriend doesn’t understand when I say Thank you after he doesn’t bruise my body.

My boyfriend doesn’t understand when I say Thank you after he doesn’t force me to kiss him when I’m in the middle of a conversation in public.

My boyfriend doesn’t understand when I say Thank you after he waits for me to tell him he can touch me.

My boyfriend doesn’t understand when I say Thank you after he does not force me after I say I do not want to be touched. Rape is illegal, so it makes sense.

It should make sense.

My boyfriend doesn’t understand why I thank him so much. He’s never laid an unkind hand on me.

My boyfriend understands that I was abused.

My boyfriend doesn’t understand how much it means when he simply says I love you and expects nothing in return.

My boyfriend understands, how much of me is truly left.

My boyfriend doesn’t understand when I say Thank you after he slowly restores what’s left of me.