Why I Love You

In my darkest hours of half sleep and no sleep, I love you.

Like tired made coffee on a too early morning, I look down at my glass and I love you.

Like cold sheets on a hot night, I love you.

Through all depression, anxiety, personal pain, reflections of hate, and unreasonable desire...you still love me.

I look down at the floor and ask myself why.

After all that has been taken away, I am given you and after all the fear and pain that has been created, am I supposed to know how to love? How to trust? How to not be broken?

I lay in bed every night and ask myself why. Why such a life was created to where I now have everything I've ever wanted and fear it to such an extent that I sincerely insist that I am just undeserving of everything you are.

You are not perfect. You do not always say or do the right things. You too are broken in ways. You too have flaws just like me. And yet I blame myself.

I blame myself because it is not mentally healthy for a person to carry so much hate on themselves. To carry so much pain and hurt and have nowhere to unload it. We all rest our heads somewhere.

From the moment I passed you I heard my heart speak. It said "here, for you" but apparently I wasn't finished being broken.

Only months after what I decided was my last heart break did the universe place you in front of me again for good this time.

I'll never understand why though.

I make life difficult. I hurt you, I bring you down, I expect too much and hardly ever show my appreciation. You're always there and maybe that's my struggle. Admitting that there is a person in this world who is stronger than I am. Someone who is willing to take on my life and myself as a person from a completely different perspective and say "I got this" "I love you" and genuinely mean it without pity. Though, as sleep can no longer be fought, I am losing this battle. And so I write as if to never wake again "I love you"