Why Are You So Insecure?

Everyone told you to be bone-skinny when you were growing up

So you starved yourself or threw up whatever you ate

Then you turned 16

Everyone tells you to be Kardashian curvy

The guy you love tells you he likes girls with big butts

"I'm more of a butt guy"

So yet again you go to extremes to change your body for the sake of pleasing the unworthy.

WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT YOU OR YOUR EATING DISORDERS

You worked 7 days a week;

Two hours in 'Personal Fitness' class,

Forty-five minutes at school lunch,

Five hours right after school or right after work.

Sometimes... a lot of the time you pushed yourself too far, you'd throw up or almost pass out.

WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT YOU OR YOUR EATING DISORDERS

You're still not good enough

He leaves again

Your mum yells abuse at you for being still "too skinny"

Time Passes and You Pretend to Heal

You fall for a kind hearted teacher, you leave him.

You fall for a rebel with a mohawk and do all the drugs you want, you leave him.

You fall for an asshole church boy, you stay because you miss the abuse and the feel of a toxic touch.

You Drown Yourself in Work

An easy distraction

You pick up as many shifts as you can

You work until you can't anymore

You're exhausted.

You're Tired

of the drugs

of the drinking

of the yelling

of the slow shifts

of the gym

of the hurting

Back Again

you've lost the muscle

you've lost weight

you've lost your happiness

you're numb.

Then you're love comes running back

you never told him, but the day you two started talking you quit coke and LSD

you stopped going out drinking until 4am,

wondering the streets of your hometown, puking in random parking lots.

You Believe Him

you believe every look

you believe every word

you believe every excuse

you believed you were enough.

He Knows

he knows you'll always love him

he know you'll always forgive him

he knows you'll always bend over backwards for him

he knows exactly what to say to get his way

he knows you'll always let him back in

you know he knows

You Know and Notice

you know he's "more of a butt guy"

you notice 90% of his Facebook friends are girls

you notice 90% of his Instagram feed is just curvy, half naked women

you know he can be a flirt

you know how much he likes sex

you know that he saves pictures of other half naked women because the ones you sent him aren't enough

you notice that he got really upset when you went through his phone even though you had packed everything, ready to leave him because he sent a photo to that girl you were told not to worry about

"my friend was talking to her"

"I hung out with her once at fair"

WHICH IS IT?!

Doesn't Matter, Right?

your bags were unpacked that night...

he apologized

he told you he'd try harder

he cried in your arms

You Feel The Same

you feel like you're just his safety net