Who Am I?

Who am I?

It is a question I ask myself on a regular basis

It is a question that haunts me in my dreams

The insecurity of not knowing

The fear of losing myself

I don't know who I am

My scars are more visible than ever

And I am at my weakest

These moments are killing me

Who am I?

I don't know

I try to find myself every day again

But I fail over and over

I want to be that innocent girl again

That girl that used to laugh without a care in the world

That little girl who was too naive to understand

To understand what was actually happening

The hurt

The abuse

The cruelty

The selfishness of the people around her

I want to regain that innocence

But I am afraid it is too late

For me to ever be that little girl again

To ever be that carefree again

Sometimes I wake up at night

Sweating and breathing heavily

My demons haunt me in my sleep

And I will never truly get rid of them

I try to find solitude by drowning myself in music and thoughts

I try driving out the nightmares with whatever means I have

But they always seem to find a way back in

They never really let go of me

I don't know if I will ever be able to let go of the past

It scares me, this lack of security

I drown myself in fear

Day after day

I know these words may sound incoherent

And like they don't belong

I know this isn't a real poem

But I need to find a way to get rid of these thoughts

The question still remains

Who am I?

I've lost myself

In a sea of nightmares

Will I ever know

Who I truly am?

Will I ever be whole again?

Instead of this broken shell of who I once was...