White Noise Insomnia

There's a soft buzzing coming from somewhere

It could just be the fan

Or it could be something else

I bury my face into the pillow

I wiggle one foot hopefully

Sleep!

I tell myself firmly

Coaxingly

Pleadingly

Please, sleep?

I beg myself

Then I realise

The buzzing is in my head

And it's not so much a sound

But more of an impression

And it's not buzzing

It's whirring

My mind is whirring

Spinning like a top

Like a dervish

Out of control

Like a doomed plane

Headed for its earthly demise

My brain shouts

Mayday!

As anxiety crowds in

My body so tired

So heavy

So depleted

My mind a rush of movement

Like a child high on birthday cake

And fizzy drinks

Yammering on about a favourite toy

I've split and become two people

Excited child

And weary adult

I want to sleep

But I want to play

To create

To dance

The fan in the corner

Waves white noise to me

Enticingly

Coaxing me from insomnia

And into sleep at last

But the hyperactive child

Only torments me

With nightmares of buzzing bees

And crashing planes

And train wrecks

And crumbling clocks

Dissipating into the breeze

Reminding me of

How useless time really is

I wake exhausted

Perpetually

Sleep deprivation my constant companion

Caffeine my only friend