Sometimes I send myself little gifts
Food I made in advance that I find in the fridge when I'm tired and worn down
Inspiring quotes I posted on social media that remind me
That someone
Somewhere
Out there
Understands me and knows exactly what I'm going through.
These little gifts save me
At times
When it feels
Like I will always be alone
Trying to survive
In a current
That insists
On pushing against me
Every step of the way.
People want to steal my beauty.
They want to take it for themselves or make it disappear if it's too intimidating
I am tired of managing
All the people
Who only love me
When I serve them.
I am tired
Of managing
Everyone else's BS.
I
Am
Tired.
I so often find myself
Still
Needing to fix and solve and do for others
When they will never do for me.
I am so tired.
I remember
These moments of loneliness
Utter pits of despair.
I forgot about them
In my desperate attempt to distract and avoid.
I got so good at running away
I stopped needing to face my loneliness.
I am not lonely, because I am alone.
I am lonely
Because I feel attacked on all sides.
Because I feel doors shut in my face
For being
Me.
There are people who tally up
All my right and wrongdoings
And then there are people
Who just
Love me
Because they understand that I am human
And they love the flawed being that I am.
I miss those people.
For some reason
They are not here
And I am alone.
So be it.
I will survive.
I remind myself
That I am loved
I remove the thought that I am alone
I'm not alone.
I am just
Tired.
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