When Little Things Explode

It was when I was five

When I fully realized

That the world I saw was dull.

I didn't want to play,

I didn't have the friends anyways.

Staying in my room

Quietly playing away

When I realized

How lonely I really was

My brothers hated us girls.

My sister,

Bullied into anorexia.

Myself,

Made fun of for everything.

I didn't grow up with her,

But I still know her pain.

But all the boys pretend

That none of it came.

As I grew,

My depression blossomed.

It hurt to exist,

But I kept on going.

I don't even know why

I wanted to die.

I just want to say now,

While I still have your time;

Please, don't do it.

Give yourself space,

Let yourself breathe.

Don't let the voices of others

Dictate your life.

Your mother,

Your father,

Your siblings and grandparents,

They all love you.

I promise,

They do.

When I was thirteen

Was when I first tried.

Nobody knew,

Nobody would see.

It ended up,

Every few months,

I would try to do it again.

None of it worked,

And I hurt while I cried,

But I'm ever so glad

That I stayed alive.

When I was sixteen,

I met a girl,

And I thought she was my entire world.

Three whole years we dated,

And I was content just talking to her behind a screen.

We made the trip to New York;

My sister and me.

It was just a day,

but I enjoyed it all.

And afterwards...

She disappeared.

Refused to talk.

Made so many excuses.

Broke my heart.

My sister knew what had happened.

I had been ghosted.