When I Thought I Could Read Minds

Yesterday I realized that I'm kind of broken.

Not damaged, but fractured and split into pieces. Like a computer desperately needing a disk defrag & cleanup, everything is there just really messed up and barely connected. So much clutter and nonsense, running really slowly.

I think I know what people think, I think I can read their minds. They look at me and judge me. Gauge my value based on what they see about me..

My...

latest cell phone

new car

apple watch

summer vacation

keto, paleo, whole30

new clothes

While I am looking into fixing my programming the world tells me that my system is disposable and that I can just replace it... or be replaced.

If I don't want to be replaced I need to surround myself with things to increase my value.

Who told me that? Did you tell me that I was enough... then make me feel like I wasn't?

Turns out my only problem is that I thought I could read minds.

or rather...

I thought everyone thinks like me.

#TheTruth

If I want change, then I have to change. I have to literally be a different person. I can not be the same exact person and expect the world around me to change into what I want it to be... nope. It all starts here, with me.

I buy stuff and it makes me feel better now. Temporarily but now.

I buy stuff, it works.

I see you buy stuff, I think I know how you feel. I don't.

It doesn't work that way.

Turns out I can't read your mind. I thought we were alike.

And.

Men are monsters.

You're a monster. Until you and your ilk prove otherwise, I'm going to avoid you like a dark building mid-day during the zombie apocalypse.

Sorry if that hurts your feelings. You are who you think you are, if you want change, you have to change. You can't change what's around you.

You and your brain loving, soul sucking brothers.

I see the energy surround you like a huge funnel cloud with you at the vortex, drawing everything into your spinning tornado. THEN, when you're done you turn your back and let it all fall willy nilly where it may.

I catch my breath. And look around at the shattered disarray.

That's why I avoid monsters.

Men are monsters.

When I thought I could read your mind, I thought I knew what the words you were saying meant.

I thought my words meant the same thing. I was wrong. I had a different dictionary.

or

I was hearing what I wanted to hear.

That truth hurts.

I can't read minds.

Men are monsters.

I avoid monsters.

I am who I think I am, not who I think you think I am.