When I Close My Eyes

When I close my eyes and focus on my breath,

I don't see what you would traditionally expect to see.

I don't see peace.

I don't see harmony.

I don't see stability.

All I see is myself.

My mind, in my closed eyes,

looks at me

and picks me apart.

Part by part.

Piece by piece,

not allowing any peace to remain.

In the main critical form,

it creates a cynical storm

of insults,

of assaults,

of tear downs,

of swear towns.

The mind won't stop.

It'll always top

the next pop

to my hair,

my clothes,

my face,

my body,

my behaviours,

my hobbies,

my interests,

my beliefs,

my choices,

my loneliness,

my inability to speak,

my self-worth,

my confidence,

my way of walking,

my way of talking,

my everything.

It always finds a way

to tear me away

because it knows me

better than anyone else can see.

It follows me everywhere,

keeping track of the tears,

the wears,

the imperfections,

the corrections

that have yet to be smaller,

this electric collar

on my mind

that's so entwined,

it will never cease

the negativity

the activity

that happens

when I should be napping,

when I should be snapping,

I don't know what I did

to make it get rid

of any self-worth I could have...

That just seems to be the prize

When I close my eyes.

How do I escape the darkness when I close my eyes?

-

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