When I Became a Woman

When I became a woman, I didn’t get a choice.

When I was 5, all of my friends were playing with barbies, but my mouth was filled with men and I was taught how to please them.

Most of the people I knew had one "daddy," but I was forced to have two. And one of them beat me until it hurt so bad that it started not hurting at all. My mom left too late, and my dad never knew. I was shown that I couldn't be protected.

When I was 10, I wasn't important. I didn't make people proud. I was alone. I was left to deal with my pain on my own. I thought I was strong.

When I was 15 I fell in love. He showed me that if I couldn't give him sex then he didn't want me. He told me that if I did it once I have to do it always.

17 made me contemplate taking my life. I was "just a kid," so my problems weren't "real." But they were. I almost didn't make it. But I did. I learned to hold it all in.

I woke up to a stranger's hands in my pants at 18. I was wrong for pushing him away. I learned that my body was not for me, but for them.

As a US Marine, my boss put his hands on my hips and his lips on my neck. When I said no, I was no longer a part of the team. I learned that I'm not valuable for my work, but for my body.

While men slept without interruption, other men tried to break in my door. Because consent doesn't matter.

At 20, I was someone's wife. But when my dreams were bigger than his, his hands were around my neck. I learned that I'm supposed to be less than men to be loved.

Now I'm 23, and I'm loved. I'm cared for. I'm encouraged. I am finally the woman that I want to be. But I'm scared. I'm scared of being an object of men's desire. To hurt. To break. To destroy. I don't want to be scared anymore. But I am.

Being scared is okay, because I was a woman when I should have been a little girl, before I learned that my fear kept me alive. Fear taught me that there is more. Fear taught me that I don’t have to be theirs. It taught me that I am my own

When I became a woman, it wasn’t by choice. I was forced and I was rushed, by men I thought I could trust.

I am a woman now. I am strong. I am confident. I am a fighter. I am a survivor. You can be one too, and so can she. We are women, and we are strong.