What's One Drink?

No, I don’t know how to explain

That when you drink, you make me relive the pain

You feel it’s not as bad as you think

But it is, it’s so bad

That you drink, I get so mad

You drink that first sip, I feel that you-you’re gone

And I am suddenly so alone

I feel disconnected from you, just dead

We’re in separate worlds

My throat becomes tight, life’s in a twirl

No, it’s not a big deal-what you do

It’s only that historical fear of loss is what I go through

Takes only one sip

But that alcohol changes the way you think

You do not know what it feels like to be oh so responsible,

Even though I am mad, I’ll leave on a light

For you.

I’ll never know how to explain

That drink you drink

It has a butterfly effect

On the broken hearted child inside, filled with internal pain

Let’s rewind your mind on how I feel alcohol is defined-

Remembering my mom leaving coherent

Alone, 10 years old, to babysit my little brothers, sometimes others

Hours after hours pass I always thought

“Oh dear, where have you went?”

Kiddos all asleep, I am awake alone

It feels like a week, time goes so slow

There you are stumbling in the door,

Hearing your heels hit the floor

It is 3 am and she goes to turn on her loud ass music

I bawl in my pillow-she always made me physically sick

God damn mom seriously no respect for us kids sleeping

I rather be asleep dreaming

Oh look who she has become

I was so young

No, I didn’t understand

That drinking is supposed to be “fun”

It only made her (still makes her)

Look so stupid

Ha yeah right, she’ll never get rid of it

Cause she’s become fuckin dependent on it

Hey ma, I’ll never forget that time when I was 15

Again at 3 am, I wanted to scream

Through the wall I heard you blaring your music

I hated you did this

I turn it down and said, “I have a test”

She mumbled, “fuck it you always do your best”

You were the blame I got a C

I thought, “look what you’re doing to me”

Til this day she is the reason I hate Kid Rock

It brings back those old feelings of hatred

Even those other kids that lived on my block

Are the ones who can understand all of this

Since when did I become an adult when I should have been a kid?

Since when was I responsible for other lives when you were destroying yours?

Since when am I never allowed to be a kid and follow my dreams?

Oh-ha nevermind.

It never mattered cause all she wanted was to drink and talk shit and chatter with her friends and boom

Their hearts too, shattered

I try to remind myself it really is not her

It is the alcohol it is a disease

All those actions never matched her words

She has become pathetically delirious

No, no, babe you are not her

I’m not trying to be a hypocrite

But I’m trying to save you, you are better off without it

So there , I can say I tried

I am trying to keep our love alive

I feel that you’re even closer

When I know you have been sober

Knowing I can breathe

No hesitation

When you are sober it’s a relief

Knowing I don’t need resuscitation