What Meets the Eye

So many times I look in the mirror

So many times I see the smallest imperfections

I see weight to an excess I see blemishes or scars from blemishes

I constantly change how I look

I'll put on 50 different outfits to feel okay in one

Its hard to eat certain foods without feeling guilty

The mindset is everything

Keep fighting those thoughts

I grew up lucky but I also I grew up in a home where a mother always had something to say of how I looked

Perfection was her key

It developed an uncertainty in my mind of what stood in the mirror

You are gaining weight, your skin is gross, why are you wearing that? Don't be a slut. Don't be frumpy. Be different

Oh, wait, I liked when you had no tattoos

You looked clean without

Why must you pierce yourself?

Sheena, it's okay to be different

Contradicting to say the least

Body dysmorphia is what I accumulated

And a nasty eating disorder

It's been 15 years of the battle I have relapsed too many times to count

Plastic surgery filled my mind

Why can't I accept these compliments?

When I disagreed to any I was vain

When I tried to accept them in my own awkward way it was questioned

It's hard enough to be a human in this world

The dark thoughts the light thoughts yet my heart is still pure

It's a battle inside

For all I am

I am me