What Happens at Nighttime

Some nights I go to sleep so in love with you, thinking about the endless possibilities, all the the great things we can achieve, the places that we can go and all the things we can do and see, the life that we can live and all the new ways we can grow closer. So overwhelmed with love all I can do is smile.

But other nights I go to sleep with a heart so broken, I don’t know what to do. It's like my nightmares turn into Groundhog Day, sometimes I feel as though I’m watching my soul sinking into a bottomless pit and sometimes its drifting into an abyss, but they are one and the same, they both lead to nothing. I become restless and can’t stop moving so I wake up confused and lost, pacing around, I get a drink of water to calm myself down. I scream silently into the night careful not to wake the sleeping. I’m so hot with passion, heartbreak, anger and sorrow I feel like I’m going to combust. I get back into bed physically, mentally and emotionally drained, apprehensive to close my eyes, not wanting the nightmare to continue. This happens again and I wake disorientated, I question myself, did I ever wake up or is this an endless nightmare?

Love isn’t supposed to make you feel like this.

The strong voice I once had is trapped in the cage of my broken heart, banging on the bars screaming for salvation. Then my body gives up the fight for the night. I don’t know when or how but I’m truly asleep, left alone with fragmented dreams, ones that ease the mind and take you to realities unknown.

I wake to start a new day, plunged into the Russian roulette of my life, events waiting to test me, the outcome being a night of ignorant bliss or the jaws of torture waiting to consume me. Please make the nightmares stop, just show me true love and the pain will go away.

I just want to be free.