Weak and Angry

I just want to be mad.

I want to scream,

Punch,

Bite,

I swear I'll fight

but I'm tired.

I just want to smile.

But I'm weak from the days behind me.

And I'm struggling to be happy in the days before me.

I want to be mad that I'm struggling again.

Why does life have to be like this?

I want to beat,

To battle,

To defeat.

But the thing that I'm fighting is air itself.

I want to be angry,

Pissed at the moon

For pulling at the ocean the way it seems too.

The ocean inside of me,

The tides confirm

That I am drowning

Inside myself again.

Will I ever learn to swim?

Or would it even matter?

I say getting madder.

I want to be consistently content with my life,

But it seems

That every so often I forget

That constant smiles are rare for me.

I'm mad because I'm trying.

God, I am always fighting.

So why can't that just be enough?

To make myself believe again

That I can calm the seas.

Because I'm tired and angry about always trying and not getting anywhere.

Tell me,

When will I be relieved?

Sg.