Waiting

Your venomous words reach out to grab me.

Consume me.

Stiffle my breathing.

Causing me to whimper when I thought my soul had wept it's last.

They pinch me like needles, all at once.

Everywhere.

Causing my spirit to bleed when I thought my spirit had taken it's last breath.

Reluctantly, I take my place beside you.

Once, I stood so tall, full of pride beside you.

Neglected, now my head hangs.

Defeated, now my eyes kept lowered focused on the sun reflecting off the pavement.

I stand silently in your shadow.

Your omnipresence casts a golden glow all around you.

Your peers surround you with awe.

It bores me to no end, but you believe I should be graced to have been loved by you.

Graced to have felt your touch, your embrace.

Feelings that have harden over the years.

Love turned into hostility, then to humility, laden with tears.

You challenge my notions, confirming my fears.

Still I revel in your presence.

I question your motives, you question my faith.

I curse time and the constant evolution of life.

I curse heartbreak and reasons sometimes people change.

I have become a product of your dislikes.

A reproduction of your undesirables.

Yet, I stay and follow your lead, I live as your sub.

Waiting for your attention, waiting for your next command.

The night sky rolls in gently, deeply.

The soft pitter patter of rain drops on the windshield lull me.

Soothe me, reminding me that I am still alive.

What is left of me is just a replica of what you desired.

Created to fill the image in your head, the woman you prefer, the one you transpired.

Now you carry me in your heart like an urn filled with my remains.

Day by day passes, yet you are so relentless.

Expelling energy that truly exhausts every inch of me.

Standing outside of your car I can hear your words.

They blur into one.

I feel the heat of the day on my neck.

Your hand on my throat.

I lift my head, it feels light, I feel dizzy.

Yet my shoulders feel heavy, weighed down with the burden of living this life.

I see you waiting, I don't know for what.

I never ask anymore.

I don't care anymore.

Somethings are better left unspoken.

See, I no longer see your halo.

It's hard to see much from the darkness of your shadow.

The heat from the Summer's Solstice penetrates my skin.

Trying to remember what goals we set, which ones we met.

The ones we tried to forget.

Trying to remember what life was like when there were options.

When there were choices.

Seems like all hope is gone.

My memories faded.

Our love now jaded.

Living life without voices.

Dreams, like crystal balls, shattered on the pavement.

Crashing into tiny pieces the minute they take the fall.

You clear your throat, this somehow summons me.

And I move slowly walking along side you.

Your feet drag, mine now do the same.

Bound like wounded soldiers buried alive together in a shallow grave.

Zombies numb from the callousness, numb from the pain.

Bruised from the words shot like daggers from your mouth.

You are on auto pilot stomping your way through life.

Inspite of all of this, your fans still flock to you.

Rush you at the gate.

Hang on every word.

Laugh at shit that's not even funny.

Fake. Wannabees. Phoney.

They claw trying to touch what was once only mine.

And you entertain this irrational behavior called betrayal.

Yeah, I find myself there in line, waiting for my turn.

Unbelievable my fate, unbelievable you make me still wait.

And I wait.

Waiting for you.