Feeling unwanted, feeling unloved, feeling limited and stuck in my day to day life not being able to go anywhere. Suffocating, not able to breath as I panic and in need of air. Why is this happening to me?! Why do I feel invisible to everyone? Why does no one care about my feelings or ask me how my day was?!
These are the questions I ask everyday as I sit here caged in my own home in my room not able to go when I want, not able to breath freely, not able to catch some fresh air and clear my mind.
So as I sit condemned to my room with no peace of mind I can hear my inner me screaming for help and wanting to get out.
My anxiety building with every thought and every breath I take.
I fight the tears that build up from the hate, the anger, the sadness, the suicidal thoughts, the never-ending maze that I can't escape.
I'm screaming for someone to help but no one can hear me because it's all in my head and no sound is coming out.
Please, please, please I say. Please help me to be free from this place. I want someone to care and love and experience life with me. Please... That's the words I speak out loud in my mind.
As I come back to reality I realize I'm still here sitting in my room in my bed in complete silence.
Hoping that one day I will be heard and hoping someone will come to my rescue one day.
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Breaking Away
Depression, a very complicated mental disorder nobody understands. The average American shows it through emotion or through actions. Although I suffer from this exhausting, complex issue I try to hide behind smiles and trying to stay strong like nothing bothers me. But on the inside I'm dying. I'm crying out please help me escape this horrific world. Nobody hears it because I'm so quiet and tucked away in my room majority of the time. Last time I spoke my feelings and asked for help I was called sick, childish and was told I need help because something is wrong with me. These words are so hurtful and these complex ppl don't see it because they're so stuck up their own ass. I'm asking and crying for help from you but you bash me and through your hatred towards me. You make me not want to reach out to any other individual for help because I'm afraid of being judged. I run to my room and lock my door and I'm yelled at for abandoning my responsibilities because this disease has taken over my mind and body and you're tearing me to shreds with your negativity. I thought you loved me enough to help save me instead of breaking me down every chance you get. This isn't love. This is what you do. You break me down so that you can walk over me and manipulate my mind so you can get your way. There's no escaping your realm. I'm stuck here until I'm able to get better and pull my life together. Instead of uplifting me, you have made my downfall worse than anything imaginable besides death itself. Where can I go for help from this world I'm living in?! I feel like I'm in another universe suffering from a lack of oxygen. I'm yelling and screaming but my calls are unanswered, the tears are falling down my face. Please, please I pray asking for it to be taken away. Still no answer. They say patience is a virtue, but I don't think my time will last here much longer. So if someone finds this please help me. I'm drowning... (takes a deep breath)
By Cierra Smith6 years ago in Psyche
Sabotage
Lately I’ve been in a funk where everything can be going right. You know I’m in a happy place talking to who knows, I’m at peace and feel like everything is just going great you know. But once I start seeing that everything is going great for some reason I need to sabotage it. I need to sabotage my happiness and what I have going on in my life so no one else is able to do it for me. Does that make sense? Am I the only one who gets this way?
By Merjaunie Lenaa day ago in Journal
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