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Alone in the dark
I thought I was okay
They said a pet would help, it's hiding too.
I toss and turn.
Sleep eludes me,
Leaving me behind to face the terrors.
I am doing better, I am
Yet, sometimes when I’m alone,
I close my eyes, and suddenly I’m not.
My walls start closing in.
I see a face staring at me from within the darkness.
I roll over, huddled in my blanket.
I squeeze my eyes shut, praying.
The nightmares return.
I open my eyes,
All my mistakes, regrets, and demons,
Tower over me in the shadows.
I can’t sleep,
Because if I close my eyes,
They grow stronger.
I can’t change the past.
Despite the efforts made,
Some demons break through the walls I’ve built.
They haunt me, hanging over me like a storm cloud.
Ready to explode with rage and turmoil at any moment.
In the blink of an eye, it only gets worse.
If I try to ignore it, it gets worse.
If I try to run from it, it gets worse.
The only way to be free again,
Is to fight, but when alone, it's the hardest,
But when with the ones I love, it hurts the most.
I don’t want to burden my loved ones.
I don’t want anyone to see,
The monster that haunts me.
A figure of the past,
A tainted maiden made of glass.
A mere reflection I sometimes forget,
A darkened mind, I then get.
I fight for my peace,
Despite this strife,
My new life.
I fight for the one I love,
My only light,
Despite this dark night.
When alone, I must master my thoughts.
A pet helps, only to calm what brews within.
Tears stream down my face, my gut is tied in knots.
I dare to close my eyes, I see the demon’s grin.
I can’t change my haunting devil, and her past sins,
But I can stand my ground, and beat her until I gain wins.
No normal fight, this is of willpower and mental strength.
Thinking of the new, making me happy, I go the full length.
Telling myself some of my favorite things,
Playing them out, inside my brain.
My pet lays next to me, helping me spread my new wings.
Making me sane, again, letting out, all pain.
With every tear that was shed,
With every broken heart piece that was shattered,
With every droplet of blood bled,
With every scar and wound that mattered...
I get up,
Bike or write,
Sing or dance,
Play or work,
I move along.
I always used to write that your best work is born, whenever you feel the most emotion. Within the past few years, I have been on the journey of finding my true self. It’s been a rocky road, but I’ve come a long way from where I was. Throughout the time, I struggled, but those struggles have made me stronger. Even though it wasn’t what I imagined when I was younger, it’s a part of life we must all face, whatever happens, it’s lessons to be learned. People can call you whatever they want, but whatever monster or demons you faced, they faced some too once, or even still are. Life is full of irony and pain, but its experience that teaches us, despite the wrongs we commit, we are only human. It’s disgusting and it’s confusing, it stinks and it hurts, but it’s all a part of the unstable and deceiving mold that shapes us into beautiful things in the end.