Unpredictable + Relentless

I promise they don't listen.

This thing is unpredictable and relentless.

"Prep the IV." Like, it's a treat.

Like, I'm a fein.

Like, I'm only bones and meat.

Like, can't you see?

I'm in legit pain.

I'm not sure if what's missing can even be replaced.

Can you tell me what I have?

Can you diagnose what this is?

After so many procedures, surgeries, and countless ER visits?

Can you just confirm this for the kid?

Because I want to know exactly what this is!

It's unpredictable and relentless.

I can't walk it off.

I can't pray it away.

I can't move, but I also can't lay.

I've tried heating pads, CBD, I've tried pills, but I'm swallowed in pain neck deep.

Unpredictable and relentless.

For years I've had "pain-free" on my wishlist.

I've rebuked it.

Begged the highest power to remove this.

Wailing "Help me Papa God.

For I do not know what this is!"

Killing my vibe

Draining my life.

Taking what makes me... feminine.

My children see me cry

And wonder why

Mom can't just be okay again.

Because this thing stole my innocence.

So unpredictable and relentless.

Unnoticed and inconvenient.

Undiagnosed and untreated.

These doctors keep me heated.

This pain keeps me defeated.

These pills keep me sleepy and nauseous.

I miss the worst of it if I'm... unconscious.

When they say "You'll be healed!"

"IN HIS NAME YOU ARE WHOLE!"

It's like a knife to my uterus

Traveling towards my soul.

I know that God is real,

But I still question what I feel.

No burden is too much.

But girl this shit is tough.

Unpredictable and relentless.

Endometriosis is on my hit list.

I wish it was on my doctors hit list.

I wish it was on my friends hit list.

But since it's so unpredictable and relentless,

It's easy for even the best specialist to miss it.

I'm over it and I'm through.

I tell myself I'm one surgery away from being anew.

It never happens.

They think I'm tripping.

So my pain is invincible and dismissed.

Just because it's unpredictable and relentless.

Feared by those that have no choice but to cope with it.

I believe endometriosis is for warriors.

For optimist who never give up.

I pray for the sisters who slit their wrist because the pain was too much.

Can't walk because it hurts.

Can't talk because it feels worse.

Shit. I can't even work.

No, I can't shake it off.

No, I can't come in today.

I have endometriosis.

And I'm telling you I don't feel that great.

They make us feel like having it is a crime.

Because they can't figure out the cure.

If you have it you know it

As debilitating and unmentioned.

Strangling our existence.

Unpredictable and relentless.

By India Rochelle