'Twas the Week Before Christmas

Twas the week before Christmas and all over the shop,

The children were fizzing like bottles of pop.

In classrooms the crayons were dropped without care

and the stench of poor loo training hung in the air.

PTA members and staff filled with dread

As visions of school fetes loomed in their head.

The hall had been decked with the greatest of thought,

ahead of the crowds and the festive onslaught.

Printed cloths draped over every table

and tinsel was strewn wherever was able.

The Tombola stood ready, with prizes galore,

Cake stands and raffles and oh, so much more.

In the centre, a bench. An island of craft,

Submissions from each class, proof of their graft.

From Marshmallow snowmen, round soft and jolly

to jam jars, beribboned and stuffed full of holly.

A beautiful angel in gingham and red,

clutching a button and sewn up with thread

(The template was stunning, this much was true,

But her child built compatriots were sticky with glue,

their buttons skew-if and their ribbons all frayed

At least it was clear they were truly homemade).

The scene was all set, they were ready to go.

Time to open the doors - on with the show!

From out of the playground arose such a clatter

The volunteers fought back a strong urge to scatter.

The Head cleared his throat and adjusted his tie.

Flung open the doors and was last heard to cry:

"No pushing! No shoving! No biting, please!"

The rest of his sentence was lost in the squeeze.

In they all thronged, a line without end.

Primed and excited and ready to spend.

The money was flowing, this way and that

The visitors laden with chocolate and tat.

The sweet stall attendant was losing her cool.

She fought sugar crazed masses with whip and with stool.

Over in nursery a saga unfurled

With a villainous Santa, his nylon beard curled.

This surly old chap and his mean group of "elves"

Saw scores of young children near wetting themselves.

His grouchy demeanour left the grotto quite smelly

When one scared tot threw up her bowlful of jelly.

Back in the hall, midst the crush and the din

The coins and the notes kept on rolling in.

The teachers began to share wild hopeful looks.

Maybe next year they could buy some new books!

Ones that weren't dog-eared and falling apart!

Or a laptop that didn't need cranking to start!

The heaving crowd slowly began to disperse,

Heavy with candy but lighter in purse.

They surged to the exit and homewards they flocked.

Peace was restored and the doors they were locked.

The clear up was finished, In time for last call

So dash away, dash away Dash away all!

Their cheers resounded as they charged through the night.

"Merry Christmas to all. And to all a good night!"