Trial of Thought

My final chapter chose to write itself...

The first one after it started without me.

They both left me inside the lowest shelf

Expecting me to trust in them devoutly...

Love sat right next to me, eyes filled with tears and grief.

It stopped trying to be restless without relief.

It looked me in the eyes with hatred, shame and pain;

With hands clenched on my neck, giving me all the blame.

It told me: "You should stop... You can't do this to us.

Stop throwing me around, keep me only for you!

You're really bad at this, there's nothing to discuss.

So many times you failed to discern what is true.

Can't you see that, without me, agony fills your mind

And that our precious happiness is always hard to find?

You always want to see someone throwing me back

But all the light you're giving comes back to you as black.

I hate you! And when I feel hate, you should know it's the worst!

Somehow you gave more of myself than you could ever hold...

How can you think someone could love a waiter that seems cursed?

You're throwing ice picks at the sun hoping it will grow cold...

You don't deserve what you've received but you can't ask for... 'fair'.

I still don't know how you've achieved to form me from thin air.

I know one day you'll surely quit, but it will be too late,

This drains your soul, hit after hit and you just hold its weight.

So all you have to do right now to regain your..." "ENOUGH!"

I screamed at the top of my lungs while pushing it right back.

"Don't lecture me, you selfish jerk!" I told it, acting tough...

"How can you analyse my life when you are what I lack?!

How can you put the blame on me when all you do is jump?

I always try to hold you back, when you walk out, you stump!

How many times have I told you to stay with me instead...?

You never listened, always left, ignored me while I bled...

I need you to return to me, but no one sends you back...

Perhaps you're right and no one can for who I am inside...

But I don't know how I can make you recover my track.

I can't just make her fall in love... I lived, I've died, I've... tried... "

After the last word left my mouth, it disappeared, like mist.

I felt my fingers numb my wrist and turn into a fist...

How can I think someone could love a waiter that seems cursed?

This trail of thought has drained my strength... I'm really... at my worst...