Toxic Romance

Once upon a time there was Genevieve and Dan.

Things were hot that year, though the weather was predominantly cold.

The leaves started to fall off the trees, for a time it felt like Dan was on his knees begging to please.

During that brief time Dan would pick flowers, climb mountains, find shelter and warmth, anything to protect her.

The sun shined bright and adorned her golden hair.

It was so golden it turned to heat and fire, too hot the bed caught fire. A heat too strong and a fire too bright. They were so hot they burned, melting. Melting away from each other instead of with one another.

Nights and days spent living on sunlight and rose. Evenings of extravagant delight. Craving somewhere to call their own, a Stockholm syndrome home. Where entrapment lies along with Dan's conspicuous lies and demise.

Genevieve and Dan would go missing, although never from one another. Physically sometimes departed and separated from time to time, emotionally they were almost synced completely and at one, ferociously close.

The days last rays of sunshine would cruise like sharks. He'd digest her one piece at a time. Sometimes when the sun would shine, hours would go by like minutes; when it was exceptionally warm even seconds. My ultimate pride.

It began to grow increasingly cold.

When the bed they so loved to lay in caught on fire those seconds burned and scarred, they felt like hours.

Hey Danny boy, just know I may not have your name carved on my arm but it is forever engraved within my heart and tortures my soul. So hey Danny boy I guess you kind of have won. You took my love and run, and hey you even made me hurt our son and then questioned why I looked so glum and I promised you I’d never tell your mum and I didn’t but what happened to your promises, they are all long gone.

You came into my life really fast, and I liked it. Rushing and seeping through my veins, my ultimate addictive rush. We screamed and squelched within all our mud of joy.

Giving into you. I became wet thighed with surrender.

Suddenly there was a gap in things, all of the earth and everything in it, our beautiful bubble, tilted and shook. Everything left tainted with what was and with what I am trying not to allow to remain.

This was what we were after with you inside me, after comes the hatchet of death.

The addicts rush, the deathly disease, ultimate decease. Killing me fast, but feeling often like a beautiful rush, consuming me whole.

You were the heroin in my heart, the rush and the high killing me all the more with every, ‘I love you’ and, ‘I hate you goodbye’.

But hey Danny boy I really did love you, and all the shades of blue that consumed me and stained my body and my heart. I think all the baby blues and even the navy will still float around my veins and live in my mind for awhile but I will still try and remember them to be beautiful. I don’t know how to feel. Sometimes I feel everything and other times nothing and I am so used to the shades of blue and of black that you engraved all the other colours are confusing and I do not know how to experience them yet and that is so very constricting.

If I had not said goodbye Danny boy it would be blue forever and oh how limiting that would be. Why did you get to experience all the colours of the rainbow but I could only experience the ones you would allow me and wanted me to see? I wanted you to experience all the colours, whatever you wished. Why did you not want that for me?

I will find a form of catharsis, to release me from you, the hatchet of my emotional death.