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I don’t know.

The memories of my reality is falling apart.

I can’t seem to tell what is reality and what isn’t.

I wake up lost in sweet dreams that seem so true.

Tears in my eyes that have formed from nothing.

I look back at photos to re-imprint his image in my head.

Because my brain is slowly dying every second of everyday.

His image fading when I don’t want it to.

I miss his little big smiles and laughs, but who cares.

I don’t deserve to be sad anymore. They say.

They say, I shouldn’t even be sad anymore.

They say, I need to get over it.

They say, I need to stop being a buzz kill.

They say, I need to be happy for all their sake.

So in my head and heart I give a toast.

A toast to everyone for doing such a wonderful job at reminding me I’m such a kill joy.

A toast to everyone for reminding me that my feelings aren’t valid.

A toast to everyone for pretending to even care when truly they didn’t.

They don’t.

A toast to everyone who continues to remind me of how horrible I already know I am.

Cheers and thank you.

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